This week I choose to please myself, thank you

By our resident coach, Arti Kashyap-Aynsley, aka The Wellness Chief

Ever sometimes feel as though the days are getting away from you as you run around in a tireless cycle of being on constantly, getting through routine items, crossing things off your to do list only to add more, seeing friends and family for snip-its of time as you attempt to fit it all in and never let anyone down, trying to do all those things that are “good for you” and the list just continues? Ever just feel like it’s all a bit much and that actually just having a moment to switch off, take stock, release judgement and just do what you need to do for you is all you could really do with?

TRUST ME I HEAR YOU.

My life and those I am seeming to cross paths with seem to be emulating this exact request at the moment.

So why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to let go of the expectations we have set forth for ourselves or the people pleasing mentalities that we can’t seem to rid? Are we afraid of being found out? Being judged? Showing weakness? What is it?

For me as I sit here and reflect, it’s about the new phase of life I will be entering in a few months as a new mom that is driving me to try and squeeze it all in. I also am desperately trying to not let people think I have changed and am therefore attempting to maintain that tireless cycle of smiling and nodding when there are moments I am simply raging with fury and or utterly and completely exhausted and full of hormones I can’t fully understand.

But for others its something completely different. For one of my colleagues it’s about hiding from the realities of not being able to cope with so much change and a fear of letting people down as a result. For some friends it has been about continuing to be the hamster on the wheel as a note to define their self-worth. And for some others I know it has been about hiding from the things they know they should have done ages ago but continue to avoid.

No matter what the reason – I guess what I have been pondering and working through with others lately, is how do we find it in ourselves to just ultimately be honest. Honest with those around us, honest with ourselves, honest with everything we fill the spaces and gaps in our lives with. Especially when we need it most.

Have we put others happiness, expectations, judgements and other things alike, above our sanity? Are we that afraid of admitting defeat and / or having moments of weakness? Are we too masked in to share our rawness?

There is no simple fix, that’s the reality. Some of these behavioural patterns have been engrained in us for years and therefore seem to have a hold on us as we feel trapped by what we have gotten ourselves into.

But that isn’t to say we can’t do anything about it. We can start small and do things such as:

• Write letters to the things and people we need to, to say what we really want / need / feel - I mean you never have to give it to them, but there is a sense that you have let it out just by writing it out; or

• Make one small change at a time through small challenges, e.g., maybe it starts with just challenging yourself to say “no” to one thing a day that you would have previously found yourself saying “yes” to and / or saying “yes” to something you would have previously said “no” to; or

• Allow yourself a bit of down time for you either every day, or a couple times to one time a week – this has been my favourite one which has allowed me to sometimes have the conversations in my head I need to in order to work through things or just voice note and / or have phone calls in peace; or

• Allow yourself some time to work through what it is holding you back without rushing to fix it – so whether that means journaling, working with a coach, talking to a trusted source, just finding some space to really express and understand how you are feeling with having a line of questioning that allows you to work through things to really understand what is holding you back;

And the list continues…

I mean ultimately it is about taking a moment to recognise your entitlement to expression, feelings, opinions and other things alike. And knowing that there are some great examples of people who have reinvented themselves, broken down the shackles that they lived by and grown an attitude of F**K IT in terms of just doing them unapologetically without judgement, worry and / or caring about what others think.

If we live a life constantly worrying about letting others down, avoiding what we need and want most, etc. who is really suffering and / or being impacted?

So as we head into this new week and have a bit of Sunday to take stock, let’s all make a promise to be a bit more honest with ourselves and those around us this week about anything we need to, to allow ourselves the space to really focus in on pleasing ourselves vs. pleasing everything and everyone else around us.

Thanks again for letting me reflect and hold this weeks’ space. As always, I am keen to keep these posts and my role for ladies who launch supportive, interesting and fluid, so would love to hear what is on your mind, what is going on and what questions you could be grappling with. Please feel free to reach out directly to me either on the socials or email @ the.wellness.chief@gmail.com, with anything on your mind.

Have a blessed week

Arti aka. The Wellness Chief xx