By our resident coach, Arti Kashyap-Aynsley, aka The Wellness Chief
Happy New Year!
This is my first attempt at coming off of a technology, expectation, life detox. From just before Christmas up until now, I have literally laid like a vegetable, played scrabble more times then I can count, gotten lost in a slew of movies, documentaries and mind numbing TV, cuddled with my husband and spent focused and present time with my family and friends, started the nesting phase of pregnancy which has made me obsessed with ordering, organising and repeating Marie Kondo style, exercised, gotten lost in nature filled afternoons followed by hot cups of hot chocolate, warm baths filled with lush bath bombs and the list continues.
I thought I could sum it up as a digital detox but the more I have come to think about it, I think what I have detoxed on most is expectations. And that is the expectations I have of myself, of those I think others have and / or anything in between. I have just unplugged and done what I feel, without any sense of guilt or letting anyone down.
Which is ultimately a perfect frame of mind to focus this weeks’ column on as we open up the chapter on 2020 – a new year, a new decade and a new host of filters that have us asking ourselves what Disney characters we are.
As Christmas ends, we often find ourselves inundated with reflective posts on how the year has gone and what our most proudest moments have been, then as January 1 rolls around the tone switches to that of what goals will we set, what visions will be have and what are we getting on with right away. There seems to suddenly be this lack of forgetfulness around the reflective and slow nature of the holiday season as we are convinced, we have to have the year ahead figured out and in place come January 1.
The whole idea of it can feel daunting, overwhelming and unmotivating causing us to end up in spirals of thinking our years will either be failures and / or we need to commit to things ASAP so we don’t get left behind.
Now, I am all for reflection, goal setting, action plans, vision boards, the works – trust you me these are all things that are super high on my values list. But in thinking of all of these things, I do stand by the fact as both a person and a coach that it is important to allow yourself the time and space to really determine what it is that matters to you, what success looks like in periods of time from now and what is going to really get your soul lit up each morning when you wake up. Goal, vision and action setting is such an individual commitment and activity that I whole heartedly believe in taking that individual time no matter how long that is versus falling into a loop of comparison culture that has you rushing to commit to things that you think you want.
And not to be a downer and / or shed my biases, but the truth is if you look at the facts around new years resolutions, most often than not by mid-January several of them have failed. And failed because there has been this huge pressure to have achieved massive wins within a short period of time. And when we don’t see that happen, we lose the desire to keep going and therefore give up.
Instead the people we see that stick to their resolutions are the ones that have committed to making small incremental changes after which they have taken the time to reflect and determine what it is they really want and what matters the most to them versus jumping on the new year new me vibe bandwagon immediately.
Also, I am not by any means saying if you have come up with resolutions by this point you will fail because like all statistics and facts there are always exceptions. Which may mean that making big bold changes immediately are the way you work best. Instead what I am trying to say is that if you aren’t that person and / or are feeling overwhelmed it’s okay. Just because January 1st creates the start of a new year, it doesn’t mean that has to be the point in time when you set the changes for yourself. Change is an ever-constant evolution and we hold the power in determining when and how we choose to do it.
I used to be notorious for taking spouts of time off work and / or life to plan and set my goals. And whilst I do agree in the importance of sitting down to really think and reflect about things, the thing I have come to learn the most in letting myself have times like the past few weeks, is that often times when you are least thinking about it, you have the revelations, reminders, thoughts and visions of what you really want and see for yourself come to you. It is the same reason why people often have their best thoughts in the shower or while exercising and / or doing anything but focused thinking.
So, as we head into January here is your reminder to take your time, continue and / or begin the slow pace of recovery from a 12-month period that should have you celebrating your life, achievements and all else in between. And if you choose to use this period to plan out the year ahead, take your time, think about things from your stand point, your heart, your soul and fire and let that be what carries you all the way through.
There are loads of resources that I have come across and /or used for myself and / or clients that I will post and tag on our socials along with this column, but any questions and / or support you need please do not hesitate to reach out. I am always open to chatting and seeing how I can provide any support so please do email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org and / or hit me up on the socials @the_Wellness_chief.
Here is to continuing to grow and support this fabulous community in 2020. Looking so forward to all the changes we will be able to endure, foster and experience together.
To a slow, present and thoughtful week ahead,
Arti aka. The Wellness Chief xx