Every Sunday, Arti Kashyap-Aynsley drops by to discuss all the many things we may be facing, feeling or going through in our day to day lives. Share your questions and / or requests for topics with Arti anonymously at firstname.lastname@example.org
As I come off of a high from yesterday’s Ladies Who Launch event, I wanted to focus this weeks’ column on something that Syreeta mentioned yesterday as she graced us all with such rawness, authenticity, inspiration and emotion….
“You have to feel it, to heal it.”
It seems so simple, yet how many of us just swallow and supress our emotions and continue to ride on in the busyness of life?
For so long I was raised to believe that crying was a sign of weakness and as I got older that belief only rung further within me as I ran through life continuing to chase the next big thing, so that I didn’t have to stop for even a single moment to feel anything I was experiencing. That meant going from one relationship to another, it meant alcohol infused nights out with erratic behaviour, it meant biting my tongue or apologising profusely to avoid arguments and blowouts, it meant throwing myself into a job so that I could continue to use work as an excuse as to why I was so busy all the time and the list goes on.
I was up for anything aside from being present and feeling and as a result was constantly in a state of burnout. I was exhausted and full of so many supressed emotions and yet I had no idea, well not until I hit my early 30’s and went through my own personal tragedy. A tragedy that left me not only heart broken but broken as a human. I had trouble breathing, comprehending life and was utterly lost. I had no idea how to make sense of anything and most of all I couldn’t fathom having to face dealing with this tragedy along with the multiple others I had been supressing for over a decade.
I can’t remember the length of the period that went by – it may have been months – but eventually I came to realise that my hopes for some tragedy reversal, a blip that would undo itself, were not what was going to happen. And in those moments of recognition, I made a pact with myself that I was no longer going to live the way I had been living, this was the time for a change, a change that started with learning to feel every piece of emotion that I needed to.
And it was as though the minute I made that pact with myself that the taps in my eyes and my heart were unleashed.
I cried. I cried so much and so randomly, there were moments when I thought there was nothing left and it would jus start again. The crying became therapeutic, healing and clarifying. And with every episode, came a higher level of peace and understanding of myself and of the things I had been through and the roles they played in my existence and my here and now.
Now I may cry more than the average person – well at least according to my husband. But I still live by the pact I made with myself. The pact to feel what I need to in the moments’ in which things happen. If that means taking a step back, having a day in bed, eating some vegan tub of ice cream in front of a mushy movie, curling up with my childhood teddy bear and sobbing for hours, it doesn’t matter. I do what I need to, to give myself that space to feel, so I can move forward with perspective and clarity and not supressed and clouded emotions.
As the authors of the newly released book “Let that sh*t go” would say – you need to let it out, to let it go. Which is exactly what Syreeta’s words rang in us yesterday as she said, you need to feel it, to heal it.
Either version of these phrases was the mantra I set for myself in my early 30’s and is what I continue to live by today.
I know it isn’t easy. Crying, feeling and downright dealing with the supressed stuff within us is daunting, overwhelming and scary as hell. But to have the lives we want, to channel those vibes and energy into the visions we have for ourselves, we have to create the space to let go of the things that hold us back and that stop us from propelling forward with love, happiness and clarity.
So, this week I challenge you all to a big a cry, to find a space of comfort and healing and to just let out the things you need to, to feel and move forward into things you want for yourself.
With love and gratitude always,
Arti, aka The Wellness Chief xx
Have a topic you want me to address in the weekly column and / or are keen to look at the idea of coaching in general and / or coaching with me, please drop me a note at email@example.com. I offer free taster sessions and am always open to hosting exploratory calls as a starter.