Every Sunday, Arti Kashyap-Aynsley our resident coach drops by to discuss all the many things we may be facing, feeling or going through in our day to day lives. Share your questions and / or requests for topics or interests in coaching with Arti anonymously at email@example.com
Now there is a word that immediately makes your throat swell up and that knot appear in your chest.
No matter who I have been speaking to lately – clients, friends, family, my head – uncertainty seems to be the thing causing us the most angst. Whether it is the risk of starting our own businesses, ending / beginning new and old relationships, BREXIT, leaving secure jobs, entering into new stages in life, you name it, uncertainty lives in our everyday lives constantly.
When we were younger, we craved freedom and routine seemed utterly boring. Yet the older we get we constantly want security. We like the sound of a consistent pay cheque, that time line going according to plan and that someone to lay next to at night. Our lives evolve and suddenly the things we ran away from most become the things we crave and feel discomfort in when they don’t exist.
But the reality is no matter how much we try to hide from it, even when we feel the most secure that we possibly can, uncertainty exists. The only certainty therefore is uncertainty.
So how do we succumb to this idea and trust the universe enough to just let go and trust that it will all work out the way it is meant to irrespective of the lack of control that seems to give us?
We learn to value and trust the thing that matters most – ourselves. Including, our faith, our values, our dreams and ambitions, our everything’s.
On the brink of my 31st birthday, my life came to a screeching halt. I thought I had it all figured out. The boy, the flat, the high-flying career, the life plan. And just like that it all came to an end. At 31 like my experience at 17 (in last weeks' column) I was faced with one big life question. Do I continue as I was going, running madly through life avoiding myself or do I take time however long that is and give myself the space I need to not continue down the path I had been?
You can guess which road I followed, and while it wasn’t easy I went from being the girl who couldn’t stand to be alone, who couldn’t trust her own opinion, who couldn’t look at herself in the mirror, and who couldn’t believe in herself, to just being me and happy and content in whatever that was. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still question and judge myself even on my best days, but where I was to where I am is worlds apart - especially along the lines of trusting the journey irrespective of all the uncertainty it comes with.
There is so much I can say about that almost two-year journey it took me to get to a place of peace, but to avoid a massive rant, I will just say that it took a lot of letting go of timelines, expectations and “shoulds” and required instead a lot of walking into uncertainty with a faith that came only from me.
There was so much digging, self-talk, mantra’s, journaling, vision boarding, crying, and well you get the picture. It wasn't easy and actually all I seemed to realise was that finding peace in uncertainty and learning to trust myself WAS HARD and required some deep a** stuff / work. At the heart if it all was the allowance to give myself the space, the understanding in the time it would take and the strength to keep going even on the hardest of days.
See there is no magic pill I can subscribe and no surety I can give to the variety of uncertainty that we all deal with day to day. I know there will be days where we are so lost for words with the sadness of things not going our way, or the fear that fills us up as we journey into the unknown. But through it all the one thing to remember is that – discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
I know that facing things like uncertainty can be difficult and overwhelming to deal with. It can be hard to just know where to start and / or how to start. But remember how exciting and exhilarating it can also be. If you ever need to chat and / or are looking for some support please email me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org and / or message me directly on Instagram @the_wellness_chief
Some inspiration and support for dealing with uncertainty that have helped me are:
Sending love and gratitude for the week ahead,
Have a topic you want me to address in the weekly column and / or are looking to explore the idea of coaching or keen to know a bit more about how I could support you as a coach (both as a transformational coach and / or a PT)? I would love to discuss and hear from you, so please drop me a note at email@example.com and remember, all emails are treated as confidential.